Ron Weasley and the Sexual Tension
by briarpatch0
Summary: It's Ron Weasley's first day of school at Hogwarts, and things are about to get sexy. Chapter one of Ronald's crazy adventure through school.


Ron Weasley and the Sexual Tension

By Jesse "So-Super-Cool" Fine and B.A. Omner "The Yellow Dart" Bustos Morris.

Chapter 1

**Sorting out these feelings**

The red-headed freckled faced kid named Ronald Weasley stood in the crowd of first-years in the Great Hall which was shimmering and echoing with the sounds of clamoring and chatting students. The girl that Ron was standing by was kind of attractive. On a scale to 1-10, she was definitely a 4...but by the third movie she's definitely a 13. And as Ron inched his way towards her, he adjusted his robes so no one could see his tiny erection, and just as he was about to whisper nasty things into her ear, Professor McGonagall interrupted his perverted thoughts.  
"Now students, when I call your names, you will come up and sit on the stool in front of everyone and I will place the sorting hat on your head-"  
Ron raised his hand, "By head, do you mean pe-"  
"No, you idiot!" The girl by Ron sneered, whipping her bushy hair back and forth. Ron's ears turned red like a tampon. Professor McGonagall tried to hide a smirk as she continued on.

"As I was saying, I will place the sorting hat on your head and you will be sorted into your houses!"

"I hope I get sorted into a gingerbread house!" one tubby kid squealed.

"I hope I get sorted into your mom's house!" a blonde-hair boy sneered.

"I hope I get sorted into your blouse!" Ron whispered into the bushy hair girl's ear.

"I'll have you know, that I am not wearing a blouse!" The bushy-hair buck tooth girl sneered, "I am wearing my appropriate Hogwarts standard issued robes!"

"I'd like to be wearing your Hogwarts robes as well. But first, I need your measurements. if you don't know them, I'll do them for you!" Ron chuckled as he took out a tape measure from his robes and stretched it out in a seductive way.

Hermione gasped, simultaneously covering her mouth and pointing towards the measurer, saying, "Ron, are you suggesting-?" but was quickly cut off by Ron, who removed the measurer from his pubic regions.

Ron began to say with feigned offense, "No, Hermione! I just want to know the size of your bust so I can have dreams of lusty-"

"Enough!" interjected Professor Mcgonagall, who was developing moisture in a region she hadn't experienced since that drunken Halloween night in Flitwick's study. "Ronald, meet me in my office after sorting for some… discipline."

Professor Mcgonagall turned towards the crowd, pulling a slightly wet piece of parchment from under her robes. Pulling it open, she announces the first name.

"Mike Hunt, come forward, oh wait, it already did, never mind." As she adjusts the front of her robes, she calls the next name. "Amanda Faulk. I need Amanda Faulk. Amanda Faulk needs to get up here."

Ron whispered to Hermione softly, " Back home, the girls called me 'Barry McCociner.'"

Hermione said, " I have a funny nickname too, the boys called me 'Bushy Pussy' because of my bushy hair and i chickened out of everything!"

"Of course they did!" Ron snickered as Hermione's name was moaned by Professor McGonagall. Hermione took a deep breath and adjusted her bra before skipping merrily to the stool. She briefly looked at all the ugly faces of the students staring at her and she suddenly felt very warm. _just imagine they are all naked_ she told herself as she stared at the head table at the greasy-hair long nosed man in black robes. suddenly his robes vanished revealing a body that would have made Patrick Swayze very jealous. Hermione turned very red as she hiccuped and let her juices explode violently onto the flabbergasted faces of all the students. the entire great hall erupted in a fury of laughter and mutual orgasms. The Slytherins stood on the tables and tore of their robes and swung them above their heads, singing in the (orgasmic) rain. The two Weasley twins were sharing straws and sucking up numerous puddles of moisture.

Back to the story, Hermione was beet red as she watched the ruckus happen. But no matter, as McGonagall was unphased and lowered the hat onto her head. Her vision became dark and a low, black-man's voice echoed in her ear.

"mhmm, Miss Granger, this is Choco-Hat, the teller of all. and the Lover of all. C'mon, release your inner secrets to me, baby, don't be afraid. You won't be raped, I'm only a hat, now lick my sack!" Hermione tightened her grip on her skirt as the smooth and sexual voice of Choco-Hat slithered around in the back of her mind, where her innermost fantasies were kept.

"You seem to read a lot of books….sex books?"

Hermione moaned as an answer.

"The Standard Book of Sex, Grade 1?"

Again, Hermione moaned.

"How about, Fantastic Positions and How to Use Them? or my personal favorite, Extreme Excitations, by Violent Snatch?"

Hermione moaned twice in response, biting her lower lip.

"You know your stuff, you practice abstinence? I think you've mastered that, and are ready to move on to the next level."

Hermione giggled.

"You ever listen to Olivia Newton-John? Well, there's this song I want you to hear…" Choco-Hat lowered the needle on the turntable and Physical began bursting in Hermione's ears. Unknowingly, she stood up from the stool and began shaking her body to the rhythm of the song.

Ron sat in the front row, his jaw hanging as a pole appeared from the magical ceiling of Hogwarts, and Hermione began grinding herself on it.

"Quick! someone stop her! The pole isn't lubed up!" Ron squeaked! Albus Dumbledore, who was busy watching Brokeback Mountain for the umpteenth time, finally looked up at the students and saw the emergency that Ron was speaking of. He quickly whipped out his wand…

"By wand, do you mean his pe-"

"No, you yummy boy!" Dumbledore said in his soft voice as he stroked his long, hard wand in front of Ron, sending sparks emanating from the tip all over his face. "Alas! Your first facial!" Dumbledore chuckled, using his beard as a paper towel to wipe off his wand.

"Now children, this basic form for sexiness performed by Hermione is nothing compared to the wealth of erotica my body has to offer." With a glittery twirl, his robe spun off his wrinkly, old body and landed on Ron's head. With a graceful prance, he gripped the pole and bumped Hermione out of the way with his wand.

"Wait, do you mean his di-" Hermione said as she landed ass-up on the floor.

"No!" said Neville Longass, who was in the corner stroking his frog as he watched Dumbledore caress the pole with his wand.

"Children," Dumbledore said provocatively as he swung on one leg on the pole, "while you were focused on my alluring body, Choco-Hat has mind-raped you and sorted you to your houses. Everyone, take a picture of me and head to your pip"

Ron picked up his wand and shoved it back into his pants. Behind him, Mcgonagall was recovering from the naughtiness that had just occurred. Putting her robe back on, she pointed at Ron saying, "Not you, remember? You have discipline for what you have said about Hermione that should've been towards me."

"But...but...sir!"

"I'm a woman!" McGonagall said, rather insulted. Ron raised an eyebrow and furrowed his brow.

"You are?" McGonagall nodded her head and grabbed him by the ear and yanked hard.

"and i'm gonna show you how much of a woman I am!" She pulled Ron through the crowd, while Ron desperately tried to get a glimpse of Hermione covered in her own juices. "There you are!" McGonagall croaked to a boy with untidy-black hair and round glasses with a phallic-shaped scar on his forehead. "Pot-head...I mean Potter! You're coming with!" She reached into the boys robes and found his wand and began dragging him and Ron through the hallways. They went down several staircases, and past numerous coats of armor before they found themselves chained to two chairs facing a silhouette by the fireplace McGonagall, wearing the latest from Victoria Secret.

"That's from the new fall catalog!" The black-hair boy said in jealousy, "It hasn't even been released yet!"

"Shut up, Potter! It was a gift from the Minister!" McGonagall whispered as she shimmied her way in front of the boys. "you two entered this room as boys, and when you leave, you will be men!" She breathed, as her bony fingers slid down the front of their robes, Ron's wand twitching a bit. She inched closer and closer to Potter's lips before pushing him away and started belly dancing before the two of them.

The dark-haired boy squirmed in his chair, his wand standing at full mast. "You wand-tease, you were so damn close, finish what you started! Belly dancing doesn't give me the big O."

"Oh, you naughty boy!" McGonagall said breathless, throwing herself across Potter's lap and untying him. She took his hand and made him slap her. "Ten points from Gryffindor!" she moaned as she slapped herself with Potter's hand again. "Ten points from Gryffindor, you naughty boy! they are going to call you The Boy Who Jizzed…"

Or they were, until the door flung open, revealing a drenched-in-sweat Dumbledore, fully clothed, but his wand was clearly Expecting his Patronads.

"Professor...if I'm not interrupting, could I have one of your famous McMassages? Boys, go to bed...and not with each other!" Dumbledore said, shooing them from the room and slamming the door behind them.

Both Ron and Potter stood breathless, horny, and confused.

"Hi, I'm Ron Weasley."

"I'm Harry. Harry Potter."  
"Wicked!" and the two headed up to their dormitory as the chapter ended.


End file.
